Exotic Muse

i've never been the type to wear my heart on my sleeve when it comes to dating. although i do wear my heart on my sleeve for pretty much everything else in life so i do wonder why it's tough for me to open myself up to letting someone i care and like in. i think it's easier for me not to because then i won't set myself up to get hurt.

s on the other hand is the opposite. i admire s for always wearing her heart on her sleeve. she is constantly reminding me to be more open to it because feeling something for someone and having a one-of-a-kind connection rarely comes along.

enter in: my exotic muse. don't ask why i call him this, but it works. we had our first two dates without even knowing it. we were at the same places at the same time. that kind of meant to be 'stuff.' i admit it... i do love that kind of 'stuff.' our first date was memorable (for me any way). it was raining. he was battling a cold and i was naturally stressed with a crazy few days of work ahead of me. i sat across from him drinking beer after beer thinking there's something about this guy and whether or not we officially date, i want him in my life - he has a quiet way about him. he is adorable, smart, interesting and well, pretty much all-consuming. it was the kind of date that ends and you walk away from it and just hope no matter the circumstances you can be in each other's lives. i had to leave town for a few days and almost didn't catch him when i returned. thankfully that wasn't the case and there we were until 5am a couple bottles of wine in. little did i know, but i was letting him in - something i rarely do.

"i don't know. you never know with these types of things. he doesn't live here..." seems to be my M.O., but countless emails, texts, phone calls that cost far too much and another visit to chicago to see me has me re-thinking this whole letting someone in that you may just end up caring the world for. s has been and is right. it's worth the unknown of what may or may not be because the act of feeling something for someone where they are one of your first thoughts when you wake up (even luckier if they make it into your dreams) and the 'miss you dahling. goodnight' you look forward to at night... it sure is worth the unknown.

it's nice having someone build your confidence, remind you you're beautiful but what is the absolute best is finding someone who gives you butterflies because he is just so darn cute but more importantly he motivates you. inspires you. reminds you to take care of yourself and take that long hot shower and crawl into bed. or tells you 'i only want to be sweet to you, nothing else.' be it the exotic muse or whomever, i am thanking my lucky stars i was taught by someone i care the world for to let someone in. it's funny how that works.... and s is right. it's worth it.

xx,
c