Thursday, January 23, 2014

Lessons from Love

i am turning 29 in a few weeks and of course birthdays always get me thinking about life and in this (i am sure you're not surprised;). in the last decade, since i was 19, I have had some amazing loves...

first there was my college boyfriend. he was my best friend. he was my spanish buddy.  grabbing dinner after spanish class one night led to “studying” together (yes i am using quotes on that :), which led to a friendship/relationship that spanned off and on all throughout college. he was laid back, incredibly thoughtful, and had a ‘hug’ that made everything better….but as time went on, life changed him and changed me, and by senior year, things were different.

then there was andrew. he had me the moment we met. he was charming, the life of the party and we had this undeniable connection…knew me better than anyone else and was “the love of my life.” he was a six-year rollercoaster ride of emotions. the highs were high and the lows were low.  years of compromises, understanding, and patience took a toll on me. led me to question, “why is this so hard?” hurt like hell and it had been hurting for too long. it consistently felt like I was trying to fit into his life and trying to carve out a place for me and for us. it was exhausting. after six years, it was over.

and then came charlie...he was unexpected but was everything i needed at a time when i needed it. he had a way of looking me in the eyes that was as my gf called it “my kryptonite”… he made me laugh, and our chemistry was out. of. control. :) a night of tequila turned into a dance party for two and the rest is now officially history. a year and a half later, long distance got the best of us and i was left wondering, “what happened?”

i do think of myself as an open book but there are some things that i hold close to my chest. these relationships, these people, are some of those things. but i share these stories now, love had, past relationships, to remind you, “hey, we have all been there.” when you are falling for someone, you don’t go into it thinking it's not going to work out or you are going to feel horrible heartbreak.  so when you do, when it doesn’t work out…make sure you walk away taking the memories with you but more importantly, with lessons learned.

i am so grateful to have had the experiences i have had with the people i have (doesn’t mean it hasn’t been hard or i still don’t find myself thinking of these three guys from time to time) but i have walked away with a clearer sense of who i am, the relationship i'm looking for, and let’s face it, some memories that i would rather not forget ;) (would be crazy to even try).

so here are my lessons from love...

1). don’t have regrets. own your decisions, learn from them.
2). one person does not dictate your happiness, only you can. choose happiness.
3). be strong enough to let go and wise enough to fight for what you deserve.  
4). family is everything, find a future mother-in-law that appreciates you. 
5). love isn't easy but it shouldn't be that hard.
6). timing is everything
7). love does not conquer all but the right love with the right person does, don't settle.
8). laughter, a good hug, or the right song can tame any argument
9). actions speak louder than words, how someone loves you is equally if not more important as saying i love you
10). the right one who is deserving of you will never walk away (or in my case, never miss his flight). 


(picture via s's insta)

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